Today marks the end of a pretty tumultuous year for me!

I recall the statement I made at the end of 2007... it read, "2007 was a bad year, 2008 will be a year for healing, and 2009 better look out for Keyan!".

I never realized that 2008 would be equally tough, if not more so, than 2007. With that being said, I learned an awful lot about life and those that live in it. I've created boundaries for myself & others that I never really entertained or set forth before. I understand all to well the phrase, "Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies even closer". Not that I consider anyone to be my enemy, I've just learned that we as sinners, & human beings in general will stop at nothing to get our way in life.... even hurt those that were at one time the closest & dearest to our lives!

I'm not saying that there will be no lasting effects carried over from 2008 but I promise God, myself & the rest of the world that it will be 110% better... especially from a mindset point of view!

So I'll say it again... Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009 & many beautiful years to come...

......HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I saw you standing there alone
As if you were waiting on a dream to come
Not wavered by passers bye
Or intimidated by the nights sky
I became engrossed in that moment
Wanting to stand near if only to gaze into your heart
I wanted to find that thing your waiting for
Explore the dream you seek as if it was ours
Lives intertwined just for the moment
I'd find your soul and be the reason
I'd be the foundation of your smile
You know the one that drives men wild
Soft brown eyes and even softer touch
I'd caress your soul
I'd never stray or stay away too long
I'll jog to the corner store
And run back for a moment more
I loose my breath just with one thought of us
Standing there together not alone
Gazing at that Orange Moon in June
You know the one that brought me to you
Alone no more, your Sun has arrived

composed by Keyan 12/05/08 @945pm

Here it is again, Christmas time. Its a weird one for me this time around. I know this is supposed to be a joyous occasion spent with family... but it is quite odd to get used to. Its the 1st time in 6yrs that I will be without a significant other or my Daughter. Last year I had my little girl with me and it was a wonderful time.

I remember in years past, before I had my little girl, that all my old high school friends would gather either the day before or the day after Christmas for our own holiday reunion. It was cool seeing how my friends had been and what they were up to these days. It's cooled off quite a bit since then and haven't seen much of them over the last 5yrs.

This year though a few of us plan to get together this weekend and I must say I'm excited! Its been a long time since I've seen familiar face from my adolescent days. Its even been 4 years since my high school reunion. I always thought that my high school years were my favorite and most fulfilling. No worries, no direction, no sacrifices... just pure unadulterated fun! I'm sure this weekend will turn out to be a cool one to remember.

My plan is to have a good ending to an AWFUL year... and then get a good head start on the new year to come! I'm marking this holiday stretch as the beginning of infinite possibilities for me and my family. I definitely plan to start the new year off right... I'm gonna spend New Years with my lil'mama and then kick it big time with the homies the rest of the weekend!

Although I won't be with her on Christmas this year... I plan to start the New Year off with her and essentially a new beginning!

Can you remember when you were just six years old?
With a trusting heart accepting everything you're told
Anyone bigger must have been right even if they were wrong
You'd take what is given, you didn't know better

All your little mind could comprehend was goodness and truth
Even when the baddest things were being done to you
Ain't it a shame how you pay for your innocence?
And you'd take what was given, you didn't know better about

Loving, cheating, people leaving
Dying, living, losing and forgiving
Growing, saying no and being who you are

What about the time when you became sixteen years old?
With an unsure heart believing some of what you're told
Wanting to be someone different, but there's pressure to be the same
So you'd take what was given, you didn't know better

All that you could think about was what you should or should not do
Every single insecurity was magnified for you
Then suddenly you began to feel all the contradictions
But you'd take what was given, you didn't know better about

Loving, cheating, people leaving
Dying and living, losing and forgiving
Growing, saying no and being who you are

Now here you are a little older than before
You've really been through it and you might go through some more
But if there's one precious thing you've learned
Is that you can't just take what is given and now you know better about

Loving, cheating, people leaving
Dying and living, losing and forgiving
Growing, saying no and being who you are

Sometimes i often wonder where my life is headed
I pause to get reconnected...
In hopes of tapping into my inner soul
An ambiguous encounter
Laced with fortitude
Bound by greatness & muddled by indecision
I find expression in my deepest pain
Unable to ward off the haze
I continue to burn you with my bad days
As if you were the reason of my insignificance
Lowly you sit dazed in wonder
Hoping for 1 sign that keeps me from going under
Control me once again with your meddling ways
Enrich my inner demons with your salty ways
I'm so low now living ain't easy
Lonely, there's so many around me
I shun myself to keep my pain fresh
So not to loose my depth...
Please oh please capture my essence
So to take blame for my failures
Encased in Plexiglas
Continuing to show my ass
Unbreakable even to the strongest mass
Leave me be so I can plainly see
The undeniable truth & plan God has for you, me & eternity...
Unmask yourself to the world
Expose thyself
The Lord is coming!!!


composed by Keyan 11/18/08 12:02am

Nothing can be done against the truth
No matter how we remain in denial
Wasting time, replacing time with each and every excuse
But that will only work a little while
Coping with despair
Knowing you're not there
Ashamed to just admit I've been a fool
So I blame it on the sun
Run away from everyone
Hoping to escape this ridicule
Trapped in misery
Wrapped so miserably
And his deception I wear it like a skin

Dying to maintain
While I keep trying to explain
A heart that never loved me to begin with
Oh I'm such a mess
I have no choice but to confess
That I have been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself and everybody else
Refusing to admit my right was wrong

And then he came, Selah
And it means praise and meditation
And then he came, Selah
And it means did you think about that

And then he came, Selah
And it means praise and meditation
And then he came, Selah
And it means that you see

How beautiful his fruits still in denial of its roots
My guilty heart behaves so foolishly
This treason from within that reasons with my sin
Won't be happy till it sees the death of me
Selfishly addicted to a life that I depicted
Conflicted cuz its not reality
All that's left of me
Oh I beg you desperately
Cause me to agree for what I know is best for me
Please save me from myself
I need to save me from myself
Please save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can hear you

The choices that I make have been nothing but mistakes
What a waste of useless space
Should I die before I wake
And all of my religion
I've fortified this prison
Obligated to obey, that the man's bad decision
Please save me from myself
I need you to save me from myself
Please save me from myself
Please save me from myself so I can hear you

And then he came, Selah
And it means praise and meditation
And then he came, Selah
And it means did you think about that
And he came, Selah
And it means meditation
And then he came, Selah
And it means that it's you

And then it came
And then he came and he came and he came
And then he
And then he came

Lauryn Hill