I'm somewhat at an impasse. I've never been the most literately gifted person as it is. Lately I've loss my mental voice. The same fuel that lit the many volcanic eruptive poems & songs I've attempted to write over the last year has somewhat shifted in nature. Yea, I still endure the same life challenges and used this forum as my outlet. But I found inspiration in bleeding myself of the constant torment and angst like dealings with people. Even now I sit here trying to find the "right word to say". Everything I wrote was from the heart and some things were just an attempt to write a beautiful song. I've based my material on many things such as former loves, new love interests, family, friends, and what else... the rhythm of music! I really did start out listening to my favorite play lists and hoping to write a song, not just about love but about life and the small things we encounter daily. Strangely enough while in the zone i bled my heart out in an attempt to cleanse my soul of that days burdens. It helped me tremendously and allowed me to escape the tribulation. I've received some great feedback from people all over the world letting me know that they enjoy what my soul has produced. It has touched me so much to actually hear that I have inspired anyone and that they believe that I have talent. Just hearing that someone can empathize with me is worth it.

Sadly I still can't find the same depth that I wrote with before. Not at all to say that I was ever the most deep in the 1st place, but i feel shallow these days. I'm as equally lost as before, yet I'm more comfortable with my existence. I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. Spiritually, I know its not a good thing, as I have so much to be thankful for and yet I fall short in every way before God. Not just short like all sinners do, but I lack the basic inspiration that people that consider themselves "Christians" do. Is this poetry simply a pity party or a talented expression. In God's house there is no room for pity parties as I should show admiration for his mercy & grace. I do understand that I have gone no more astray than anyone else in this God forsaken world... but it's not my job to worry about the others or compare myself to them either.

I have a lot of work to do and plenty of time to think about it. But truthfully, wow.... I don't even know if tomorrow is promised... what time do we really have? Its all a process and I really do pray that I don't wait too long to realize it. At the same time, I hope that others I care for and have tried to protect don't wait too long to figure it out either.